In a large skillet over medium heat, fry the chopped "bacon" until crisp and browned. Remove and place on a paper towel-lined plate.

Add the onion, garlic and chopped cabbage to the same skillet with the bacon fat and cook for 7-10 minutes on medium heat, until the onion is lightly browned and softened and the cabbage is wilting. Transfer the mixture and set aside.

Turn heat up to high and add the ground beef to the skillet. Cook, breaking up the beef with a wooden spoon as you go, until browned.

Add the crushed tomatoes, tomato paste, sugar, crushed red pepper flakes and bay leaves to the skillet. Stir to combine with the beef, cabbage and onion.

Add the beef bacon back to the pan, bring to a simmer, then turn down to medium so it bubbles gently. Cook for 10 minutes uncovered, then simmer for another 10-15 minutes, covered. Remove the bay leaves.

Meanwhile, cook the egg noodles according to package directions. Drain and set aside. Taste the beef and cabbage mixture and season with salt and pepper as desired.

Combine the beef and cabbage sauce with the noodles. Garnish with parsley.