When Hillel the Elder was asked to summarize all of the Torah “on one foot,” he answered, “That which is hateful to you, do not do to another.” Rabbi Akiva framed it in the positive: “’Love your neighbor as yourself’ — this is a great principle of the Torah!”
In these statements, our rabbis impress upon us the importance of love for others. However, they do not share how to go about doing so. Luckily, the Torah is vast and many answers are offered.
Here are five tips from our tradition for cultivating love for others.
Self-Love
The aforementioned directive, “Love your neighbor as yourself” (Vayikra 19:18), is careful to add “k” at the end. This is for a reason: to imply that to love others, one must first love oneself. This is the first tip: self-love.
To be sure, this is easier said than done. Learning to love ourselves is a lifelong project. Notwithstanding, the basic premise is that the more love we offer ourselves, the more love we will project onto others. The Sages hinted at this when they taught, “Those who point out blemishes in others (are really) pointing out blemishes in themselves” (Kiddushin70b). The inverse is correct as well. When we fill ourselves with love and acceptance, it spills over onto those around us.
A Fulfilling Life Path
Ever come home after a good day at work or after completing an important life project and feel so fulfilled that nothing can touch you? Kids may scream, people may quarrel … but your energy level is so elevated, that you rise above it all.
This is the second tip. Find things in life that you love to do, that bring you fulfillment and immerse yourself in them. The more we are happy with our station in life, the easier it is to overlook others’ faults. When we love what we are doing, this love and happiness is contagious!
The Divine Eye
While the first two tips focus inward, toward our personal lives, the next two shift our attention “upward,” toward the divine.
Rabbi Kook has a beautiful article in which he describes how life looks from the vantage point of the “divine eye” (Shemona Kevatzim 3:158). G-d’s eyes view everyone with infinite mercy. Just think about the love of a parent for a child. We are all G-d’s children!
When you find yourself categorizing someone in your head, subconsciously tagging them as “annoying” or “frustrating” or some other label, take a step back and remember how G-d views this individual — with immense acceptance and mercy. Viewing things through the “divine eye” can help us love others, because many times it is our own issues and hang-ups that stand in the way.
Sparks of Holiness
Another divine approach is based on a mystical understanding of reality. Mystical texts teach us that our world is filled with G-dliness: within everything is contained a divine spark. Many times we only see part of another’s story. Look deeper, the mystics tell us, and you will see sparks of holiness. These sparks can be talents, traits, gifts or any other loveable side of the other.
Mystics see the glass half-full because for them the divine spark, the positive side, is the true essence of reality. When we pierce through, beyond the surface, we see glimmers of this essence. This engenders love.
One Big Family
When you get in a fight with a sibling, parent or child, it can be stressful; but most of us (hopefully!) find a way, after all is said and done, to get along and reconcile. In the end, as the saying goes: “Family is family!” This is the final tip for generating love: viewing others as part of our extended family. Malachi (2,10) reminds us of this when he proclaims, “Have we not all one Father? Did not one God create us?” We all emanate from the same physical (Adam/Eve, Abraham/Sarah) and spiritual source. We’re family!
One of my rabbis, Rabbi Avi Weiss, started a synagogue which he called The Bayit. smeans “home.” He viewed everyone in his congregation as his family and formed a “home” into which he could bring them together. Whenever I entered his shul, he always greeted me with a big hug. This is because he viewed us as his family. It’s not easy to transition to this “extended family” perspective (and some may even be thinking, “Rabbi, that’s all I need, more family!”) but with work, this shift of attitude can break down borders and open up space for newfound love for others.
Loving others as ourselves is no simple task, but it’s very needed these days. Many are sad, lonely and just looking for a kind word. Be that source of love for others and together we will make this world a better, more loving place!
Rabbi Dr. Eli Yoggev serves Pikesville’s Beth Tfiloh Congregation.
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