Diana Coyle grew up Catholic. Her husband, Michael Fishman, is Jewish. When the two decided they wanted to get married, one of the first things they did was talk about how to raise the children.
It wasn’t a decision Coyle took lightly. She knew how important it was for her husband that their kids were Jewish. So after a lot of thought, and a number of conversations, she knew it was the right move for her future family.
From the beginning she felt comfortable in her decision. “I was always fortunate,” she says. “I had a great support system and whenever I had questions, my husband was always able to answer them.”
Yet sometimes she felt like an outsider, looking at the world through a different lens, worried she might ask or do something that might offend. That’s when she learned about the Mother’s Circle, where she could find support with other non-Jewish mothers raising Jewish children.
The JCC Mother’s Circle is a three-week education and support group that focuses on Jewish rituals, ethics, holidays and Jewish life cycles. In addition to educating, it is a place where mothers share challenges and discuss situations in a non-threatening environment.
“It’s a chance to be with a group of people who grew up similarly, to make connections and to validate your experiences,” Coyle explains.
The rate of intermarriage has been steadily rising in this country. Just last month, the Pew Research Center released a study that found that roughly one-in-five U.S. adults were raised with a mixed religious background. Broken down even further, one-quarter of Millennials (27 percent) were raised in a religiously mixed family, while 20 percent of Generation Xers and 19 percent of Boomers were.
The results were not surprising for those who have been looking at the Jewish community. In 2010, when The Associated: Jewish Community Federation of Baltimore conducted its community study, it found that 42 percent of 18-34 non-Orthodox Jews indicated they were intermarried.
Those trends, and the fact that many interfaith couples didn’t feel as welcome as they could in the Jewish community, led The Associated to create an interfaith task force to understand the best ways to make interfaith families feel connected. One of the recommendations was to hire an interfaith engagement director for the Baltimore Jewish community.
Last year, Lara Nicolson took on that role. “I’m taking a community-wide approach to making interfaith families feel welcome,” she says. “I can help provide resources, support and programs that help them find their place in the community so they have positive Jewish experiences.”
And Nicolson can relate to those she speaks with – she is Jewish, her husband is not, and they are raising their kids Jewish.
Chantelle Terrillion, who co-chaired the interfaith task force with Kevin Keane and her husband Joel Fink, learned about the Mother’s Circle from Nicolson.
“It was great to hear other people’s experiences. Some were similar to mine, others were different. Yet it gave us a chance to explore our situations in a non-judgmental space,” she says.
In addition to the Mother’s Circle, other programs include a revamped Introduction to Judaism, taught by local rabbis and sponsored by the JCC and the Baltimore Board of Rabbis. The Board of Rabbis has been supportive of the interfaith initiative. And, the JCC and Jewish Community Services have teamed up for a workshop for interfaith couples, called Love and Religion.
And Coyle has become an interfaith connector, meeting with non-Jewish mothers, providing them with ways to get answers, as well as other resources, and helping them to connect to other families.
As for Terrillion, the connections she’s made have been invaluable.
“I’m so happy The Associated is putting into action the recommendations from our interfaith task force. It’s providing interfaith families ways to feel connected and welcome in Baltimore’s Jewish community,” she says.
Learn more at interfaithbaltimore.org.
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