By Rabbi Dave Levy
My wife and I recently dropped off our eldest son for his first year of college. As parents, we asked each other so many questions in the weeks leading up to the big day.
“Will he eat?” “Will he meet new people?” “What will his Jewish experience be like?” “Will he be forced to defend Israel’s right to exist to those who delegitimize Israel?”
Ultimately, he will need to navigate these challenges and others we haven’t even imagined. Had we prepared him to do that? This question led to the second point: Everything he needs to face these challenges he learned at synagogue.
Obviously, there is some hyperbole in this kind of statement. We are grateful for many valuable experiences, including a wonderful Jewish day school, excellent summer camp experiences and Israel travel. We are also in awe of the dedicated Hillel professionals on many campuses who support students. Still, I would argue our family’s commitment to attending synagogue regularly taught our sons a world of lessons.
I don’t just say this because both of their parents are rabbis. I believe this is true of all the active “shul kids” in our community. So what were those lessons?
How to speak to people of all ages. Synagogues are unique places for intergenerational interactions. Our kids sought out their friends each week, but after services we always found them at tables interacting with adults and seniors. Whether talking about their favorite sports teams or the latest headlines, we always appreciate that the children learned how to articulate their thoughts and listen to others. This kind of interaction is a real-world skill we know will serve our students well in college.
How to sit with people you disagree with. Synagogues comprise people who share their Jewish beliefs but not necessarily their politics. Over these last few contentious years, we have seen people have a lot of difficulty sharing space with those with whom they disagree. We are proud our children learned that, despite our differences, people in our community shared a common faith, which was a place to start. These lessons are crucial; our students won’t share the same beliefs as all their teachers or classmates, but they know we need to find the common humanity in those we disagree with so we can encounter each other with patience, care and understanding.
The importance of standing up for Judaism and Israel. With the rise of antisemitism and anti-Israel sentiments, it is as important as ever for our students to know how to advocate for the Jewish community and have a sense of pride in who they are. Our synagogue had swastikas spray-painted on our doors a few years back. Our congregation’s children were encouraged to attend the solidarity service that night. Our children learned that antisemitism is unacceptable and should never be tolerated or brushed off. Second, they learned we have allies who care about us and will stand with us. Third, and perhaps most important, is showing up when your community needs you. Our students must show up for each other on campus when hatred rears its ugly head. This imperative to show up is true for Israel, the Jewish community and anyone else targeted.
How to work a buffet. Kiddush is an amazing educator. First, the experience of eating together with so many people leads me to believe our students will be ready for the dining halls, receptions and parties they will attend. They have learned from kiddush about manners and food safety and how to gently chide the person who puts the tuna spoon in the egg salad. They also learned the art of small talk. The ability to chit-chat with people you don’t know opens doors to friendships, making seemingly big places a little smaller.
Caring for others. Children who grow up in synagogue learn how a community cares for its people. Each week, they hear a “Mi Sheberach” list and remember there are people who need visiting or friendly calls. They know from shiva that we take time and sit with those suffering from loss. Our students going off to live in a community of their peers will be ready by knowing both we need to and how to care for others.
There are countless other lessons: “attend the guest lecture,” “welcome strangers,” “dress neatly on special occasions,” “don’t sit in so-and-so’s seat.” What we recognize is despite reports to the contrary, the synagogue remains an essential building block of the Jewish community and the formation of thoughtful, caring young adults.
Rabbi Dave Levy is director of the Block Center for Jewish Exploration and Education, where he works in partnership with his wife, Rabbi Rachel Ain, at Sutton Place Synagogue in New York City.
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