There are times when one attends a funeral for someone they didn’t know well and comes away wishing they had known them better. That was how I felt recently when streaming the Nov. 24 funeral service for Tobias Ovadiah Vogelstein.
I was preparing for a conversation on Dec. 3 about his life with his mother Debbie Vogelstein, siblings Aviva, Atara, Teva and Tali Vogelstein, and Arielle Bauman, and dear friend Arianne “Rose” Rose. After speaking with his family and friend, I had even more regret about missing out on getting to know him.
Tobias died of complications from brain cancer on Nov. 24, 2023. He was 32.
Tragically, Tobias’ recent bout with brain cancer was not his first. The Pikesville resident was initially diagnosed with a brain tumor at the tender age of six. While treatment cured his cancer, it left him legally blind and deaf.
Yet, Tobias’ significant disabilities did not keep him from making the most of his short but highly productive and meaningful life.
“Tobias didn’t see himself as someone with disabilities but someone with possibilities, and he didn’t understand why anybody would think that something wasn’t possible for him,” said Debbie. “From day one, Tobias was fearless. He was able to ride a bike before anybody and he would go down these terrifying hills and he could swim in the deep water before the age of three. … When he lost his vision, he wanted to keep doing sports and he would ride a tremendous three-wheeler bike … and he never crashed into anybody. It was terrifying. But he did it.
“He loved to do coasters and amusement parks. He loved scary stories. At a karaoke bar in Rehoboth Beach this past summer, he was wheelchair bound with a very diminished voice from the cancer but he was able to sing ‘Go the Distance’ from the Disney movie ‘Hercules.’”
And Tobias always went the distance. A 2011 graduate of Pikesville High School, he graduated from Towson University with honors, earning a degree in electronic media and film in 2016.
“Tobias, being legally deaf, legally blind and doing electronic media and film, was something we can’t even fathom,” said his mother.
Added his sister Teva: “Tobias liked to say that he was a deaf, blind screenwriter, but the screen was in his head. He wrote a screenplay called ‘Son of Olympus’ that’s based on the Greek myth of Hercules, and our cousin Zachary is producing it.”
After college, Tobias enrolled in countless online classes and seminars and became part of an online network of learners who studied literature and exchanged ideas. His ongoing studies reflected his passion for reading, writing and storytelling. Tobias took first place in a writing competition to commemorate the 100th anniversary of The Associated: Jewish Federation of Baltimore in 2020. His selection of topic — “Community and Connection” — would not surprise anyone who knew Tobias, who also had an incredible memory and a gift for wordplay.
“Tobias felt driven toward anything that enabled him to connect,” said his sister Atara, who placed second in the same competition. “Whether that was with another person, with a concept, with a feeling, with an image, with his imagination, he was so drawn to the imaginary world and the fantasy world and the world of stories because for him, this was how he leaned into possibility and connection. I think that storytelling and the world of stories was an escape, but it was also how he felt most connected to the world around him, and to the world beyond that most of us can’t even conceptualize.
“Growing up with Tobias was an education in humanity, that there’s always more depth to a human than meets the eye. I think being Tobias’ sister is a big reason why I became a therapist. I think I learned empathy and how to be an empathic person through being Tobias’s sister.”
Tobias’ gift for human connection was evidenced by the way nearly every person who came into contact with him responded.
“If it weren’t for Tobias, Kenny and I would have had very few friends. He attracted everybody from all walks of life. They wanted to be part of Tobias’s life,” said Debbie, citing her son’s teacher Bill McGeachy from the Maryland School for the Blind who visited weekly to teach Tobias to use his cane by accompanying him to Reisterstown Road for pizza and library visits.
“[McGeachy] told me that after decades of teaching at the Maryland School for the Blind, he’s been told he changed many students’ lives,” Debbie said. “But he said Tobias was the only one who changed his life. ‘He gave me license to use my imagination and he also motivated me to read for leisure,’ he said.”
Likewise, Stan Lustman, Tobias’ bar mitzvah tutor, recently told Debbie that “there’s never been anybody in his life that has impacted him more.
“Stan would walk from his home off Smith Avenue to Beth Tfiloh Congregation almost every Shabbos to read to Tobias,” she said.
In his eulogy at Tobias’ shiva, Brad Kauffman, who was “like a big brother to him,” said the two first met in 1999 when 7-year-old Tobias was a camper and Kauffman, then 15, was a counselor at Beth Tfiloh’s Tarbut (Jewish culture) Camp.
“He was seated with his father away from the other children. I knew right then and there that Tobias was not meant to be isolated. He had an insatiable appetite for music. I also knew that Tobias and I were meant to be together in this journey of life. So I approached him, took his hand to the beat of the music, and never looked back. … He became my role model, my hero, my rebbe on how to overcome adversity in life while remaining upbeat.”
Tobias’ sister Arielle reiterated the impact that her brother had on others.
“I feel like a lot of people saw it as, ‘You and your family were all so good to Tobias,’ as if he was a charity case for us,” she said. “If anything, it was the opposite. He was just so pleasant to be around, so fun to talk to. He just cared so deeply about others and making sure that not only everyone was happy but that everyone felt heard and understood.”
Tobias’ friend Rose first met him during his last semester at Towson University, but it didn’t take long for her to recognize his unique qualities.
“He wanted to support me in every way he could and not a lot of people would do that, even people you’ve known your entire life. For the short period I knew him, he was such a beautiful person.”
Tobias had a special place in his heart for youngsters. Early on, he loved performing magic for children using the stage name “Terrific Tobias.” His affinity for children and kind disposition made him a wonderful uncle to his nieces and nephew.
“He was so excited when my son Lev was born,” said his older sister, Aviva. “Lev was his first nephew and starting from when he was about three months old, Tobias wanted to read him Disney books, watch Disney movies and do everything with him. They had a really special relationship.”
Said sister Tali in her eulogy: “Tobias’s mission statement was to entertain and make people happy, because [he said] that’s the greatest gift we can offer humanity. All of us who knew him know he achieved that. To even know your mission in life is highly rare — to achieve it the way Tobias did in just 32 years is nearly impossible but ‘Terrific Tobias’ made magic and miracles happen. Tobias is leaving a legacy — his stories, and their power to entertain, will live on.”
In addition to those mentioned in the article, Tobias Vogelstein is survived by his father Kenneth Vogelstein, brothers Acey and Elan Vogelstein, brothers-in-law Daniel Ghitman, Adam Bauman and Eric Miller, nieces and nephew Lev, Lielle and Galit Ghitman, Lila Bauman and many cousins and friends. He was predeceased by his grandparents, Barbara and David Hirschhorn and Shirley and Lee Vogelstein.
Contributions in Tobias’ memory may be sent to Imadi, 5400 Old Court Road, Suite 300C, Randallstown, Maryland 21133; Chai Lifeline Mid-Atlantic, 600 Reisterstown Road, Suite 508, Baltimore, Maryland 21208; Beth Tfiloh Congregation Teen Minyan Kiddush Fund, 3300 Old Court Road, Baltimore, Maryland 21208; or the Israel Guide Dog Center, 968 Easton Road-Suite H, Warrington, Pennsylvania 18976.
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