Jmore recently spoke with six local Jewish seniors to receive insights, in their own words, on how best to enjoy one’s twilight years.
By Janet Kurland
On Nov.14, 2021, I became 91 years of age. Wow.
On Nov.14, 2020, I turned 90. Friends and family planned a party to celebrate this milestone with me.
But COVID-19 necessitated other plans. Instead, my granddaughter came to my condo that day with flowers and balloons and said, “Bubby, come out on your balcony.” (I live on the eighth floor.)
I went to the balcony and looked down. There were 25 people in the parking lot, family and friends, with a huge banner covering four cars saying, “Mom … Janet … Bubby, Happy Very Special Birthday, We Love You.”
Wow again.
They sang “Happy Birthday,” and I went down to thank them. We were all wearing masks.
I also received many calls that day from neighbors wishing me well. I enjoyed every minute of it, but there I was in the middle of the kavod thinking, what did I have to look forward to in these conditions, in these later years of my life?
Yes, I followed the medical protocol — vaccine, isolation, masks, etc. What I realize now is how fortunate I was to be somewhat technologically astute. I use a cell phone — not all the apps that my children and grandchildren use, but enough so we can text each other each day just to share that all is well.
I can even FaceTime with my granddaughter who is in Israel for a year of study. I also use a computer. Thank goodness for all the Zoom programs. I was in contact with many all through the lockdown.
Now I do both virtual and in-person programming. I am so thankful I can stay in touch, no matter what.
But even without COVID, aging brings changes.
I use a cane for better balance. I no longer drive (my own decision). My family does many errands for me. All of this requires making arrangements for safety, being careful of steps and arranging for rides. It can be done.
The U.S. Constitution says we should all be guaranteed the right to the “pursuit of happiness.” My kosher Chinese fortune cookie said, “Don’t pursue happiness — create it.”
I speak about happiness because gratitude and happiness to me are so closely linked. I like to think of happiness in terms of contentment. Dennis Prager discusses this link between happiness and gratitude in his book, “Happiness is a Serious Problem: A Human Nature Repair Manual.” I believe this and have experienced this connection so much through the years.
Goodness and happiness, I believe, as does Prager, are predicated on the same quality, that the link between them is gratitude. It really seems one cannot be a good person and a happy person without gratitude.
Every great religion and philosophical system says this — the more you realize the connection, the more contentment and gratitude you will feel. It seems older adults, if asked if they have any regrets in their lives, won’t have any regrets about the good things they have done. Instead, their regrets are probably the wrong things they have done or good things they didn’t do.
The “bad” may make you feel good in the short run, but how about in the long run? I guess it takes all of our many years to begin to catch on to living and learning through life’s many experiences.
Shabse, my husband, died eight years ago. We lived in a large, two-story Mount Washington home with lots of family room. We had two large seders every year.
But I could not keep up that home by myself. I moved into a lovely condominium and have loved it. Now, I am considering another move to the Springwell Senior Living Community in beautiful Mount Washington, where I will have services, people, activities, etc.
Whenever I say I have moved, let me assure you I couldn’t do it myself. My family and friends have been there with me and helped every step of the way. My colleagues, with whom I worked for many years, come to my condo and we share lunch, updates and stories. I have friends whom I have known since kindergarten; other friends I have only known for 40 years, and some even newer than that. My life remains full and active.
Like all of my friends, I’ve made adjustments that have made the difference for all of us. Yes, we are grateful and look forward to each day. We have each done the necessary paperwork to help our families when necessary – our wills, powers of attorney, etc. I am grateful to have been able to do this and know it will help my family with these tasks when needed.
But there is still more to come. My grandson is getting married next Labor Day in Long Island, New York. My family has already made plans to make sure I can safely go with them – by my cane and a wheelchair.
I deeply appreciate how very much they want me there with everyone. And you know how much I am looking forward to being there.
Happiness has to come from within a person, him or herself. Yes, growing older has its challenges. But so does every stage in life.
I choose to look forward to each day given to me. Thank you, G-d. I am a believer, I am happy.
A Baltimore native and resident, Janet Kurland retired from Jewish Community Services in 2018 after a 42-year career there working primarily with seniors.
This is the sixth in a six-part series. See Also: Carole Ellin | Edith Sherr | Erv and Marianne Sekulow | Rae Rossen | Martha Meier Weiman
John Singer wants to help Marylanders of all economic backgrounds to afford ankle foot orthoses.
At Krieger Schechter Day School, joining in the later elementary or middle school isn’t a setback -- it’s a launch pad.
Israeli-Americans Rachel Goldberg-Polin and Jon Polin talked about the pain of losing their 23-year-old son, who was kidnapped and later murdered in the Oct. 7th tragedy.
A committed philanthropist and community leader, Russel was president of R&H Motors.