Amy L. Bernstein can pinpoint the exact moment when she decided to stop letting the clutches of doubt interfere with her dreams.
At the time, Bernstein was employed by the federal government and feeling exhausted and unhappy.
“I was commuting by train from Baltimore to D.C., and one day I almost crossed the platform to take the train to New York to play hooky,” she recalls. “My longing not go to work and step out of my life was so deep and profound. I realized, this can’t go on. I’ve got to change.”
Bernstein continued to work a desk job, but in her free time explored her creative side. It would eventually lead her to becoming a full-time writer and writing coach.
Last January, Bernstein’s book “Wrangling the Doubt Monster: Fighting Fears, Finding Inspiration” was published by the California-based Bancroft Press. The book, illustrated by Indianapolis-base artist Mary Grace Corpus, recently won first place honors in The BookFest awards in the category on nonfiction/self-help/inspiration.
“It’s an inspirational book for a person who’s doubting and feels some shame around that,” she says. “In our culture, you’re made to feel that you’re lesser if you’re unsure. This book is for people to feel seen and know they’re not alone in feeling doubt, and they can learn to manage it.”
A downtown Baltimore resident, Bernstein says she often let doubt and insecurity dominate her life.
“There were so many different times when I let doubt call the shots,” she says. “In hindsight, I wish that I had tried. I deserved to try.”
Once Bernstein began writing full-time and coaching other writers, she says she began “to see how prevalent doubt and self-doubt really is, especially — but not only — among women. I realized I wanted to normalize conversations around this topic so people would realize they were not alone.”
Writing the book hasn’t prevented Bernstein from feeling uncertainty and indecision.
“Doubting is a part of the human condition,” she says. “We second-guess ourselves, and sometimes that’s very protective. It helps us from doing something that could result in harm to ourselves or others. Where we run into problems is when we listen to our doubts so intently and intensively that we allow them to stop us.”
Bernstein recommends taking steps “to shift our mindset,” though she cautions the change is not instantaneous.
“It’s about giving yourself permission to step off the hardcore track that only allows you to do things that [will be] successful, things you know you’re good at, and giving yourself permission to try something that’s out of your comfort zone, giving yourself permission to fail,” she says. “We have to start there because otherwise the fear and doubt just kind of kicks in automatically.”
Bernstein says we need to “change the channels in our heads. Too often, we are listening to the ‘Negative Voices’ channel, and it’s really loud and it’s going to win the day if we let it. We have to remember we can turn the dial down and turn the volume up on the channels that remind us that we are competent, talented, smart and we’ve already succeeded in many ways.”
Bernstein also believes that surrounding ourselves with allies is an important part of the journey.
“Surround yourself with people who are going to encourage and support you, as opposed to adversaries who may also be loved ones,” she says. “[Adversaries] can be spouses, adult children, dear friends who have good intentions but are constantly questioning you. Nothing will exacerbate your doubts more than being surrounded by adversaries.”
Nowadays, says Bernstein, she doesn’t let doubt get in her way for the most part.
“I have come to see the patterns in my life where I stepped back rather than stepped toward,” she says. “And I understand I did that because I was lacking in confidence and afraid of failing. I don’t feel that way now. I take risks all the time. I have truly changed. …
“It’s a very deliberate, conscious choice. We have to realize [taking a risk is] worth whatever doubts you have because you will gain so much by learning about yourself and opening up new opportunities that you didn’t even dream of.”
For information, visit amywrites.live.
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